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Thanks to all those I met and worked with this last year collaborating and sharing their artistic work endeavors with me. Have a great prosperous New Year!
LOSS OF TRUTH
Don't let it's partial 1st Chapter on the screenplay page fool you.
You will quickly learn about all it's Characters, their lives and relationships which are a great complexity of what makes them happy and what drives them to the depth of despair, their sensuality and the tribulations that drive them apart, and what if anything can bring them back to a life of sanity.
It moves on to tell of the world wide drug distribution business that has a technology so advanced that it perplexed the DEA, NSA, the FBI and all other Homeland Security Agencies.
It may open as a titillating novel highlighted with sexual encounters and intrigue but it quickly changes character and turns into a compelling action adventure beyond belief.
It's Driven, Energetic, Intentional, Surprising, Sensational, Sexy and Shocking....
Just scroll down below or look for it on the screenplay page.
Today Wednesday June 19, 2013 we lost a shining star:
FOR THOSE OF YOU VISITING THIS SITE, I ask that you send me an e-mail with a word or two telling me how you like the writing you see here or maybe just say hello, in any event I would love to hear from you.
Direct e-mail to: email@example.com
January 13, 2013
And the Award goes to Adele for the best original song...Skyfall,
same title as the James Bond movie.
She was up against some heavy competition with the likes of Keith Urban
and Jon Bonjovi and their original songs as well as others in that category..but Adele took it home. You are on a magnificent roll girl. Just keep it up!
Written for Val Kilmer
Val Kilmer not only chose to put his career on hold for a while, but chose the anonymity of living in New Mexico to the pursuit of A
Val is still a great actor and has made many a movie this last year to
add to his long list of accomplishments. Along with a resurgence in his
Acting career, he is writing, directing and staring in his own
screenplay which is slated for release 2013-2014, Twain-Eddy, a movie
about Mark Twain and Mary Baker Eddy. Kilmer has always been an A
List Actor and will continue to hold that moniker. He is edgy,
sophisticated, sexy, energetic and his acting is brilliant.
exudes the type of tenacity that belongs to a man of intelligence, stability,
forethought and experience, a man who lives his character so that he can
produce a winning performance. He is one of Hollywood’s Great Actor’s
never to be discounted or forgotten.
He has recently coupled with Frances Ford Coppola in Twixt, IE: (Twixt now and sunrise, renamed Twixt).
Kilmer with that beautiful boyish smile his long sandy blond hair and
those luscious lips the girls swoon over, still has what it takes to
attract top Directors and producers of well written screenplays.
Kilmer has my vote and hopefully one day will be starring in one of my screenplays if ever I should be so lucky.
Kilmer is currently staring in Citizen Twain his one man show about Mark Twain aka: Samuel Clemons in Culver City California at the Kirk Douglas Theater.
Bernice is currently writing:
Apr 2012 to present
A Screenplay about a man of Cherokee origin who grew up in New Mexico,
after a tragic death he is forced to move to New Jersey where his back
ground and his upbringing put’s him on the (cold) trail of a murder
which happened in New Mexico..suspense, retribution, tragedy, activist
movements and politics…..If you saw Thunderheart, you will love this
The movie may not take place down under or in the California hills, but
it will take place in one of the most mentioned and filmed states in
November 28, 2012
The Day I shook hands with the man himself
We go through life with a set of hopes and dreams even though at times we put one set of dreams aside for new dreams, and from time to time we may go back to our original dreams with a few alterations at some point in the future. Some minor adjustments are made for what time steals from us, or maybe for what it gives to us if we can only recognize the gift.
Mine consisted of a few appearances, a song every now and then, the occasional background work, a passion for dancing and the written word...but I sucked at it at the time....or so I thought.
Back then I would turn on the radio and hear the occasional blues song and thought...I like this music, although rock predominated the airwaves.
There I was going through era upon era of the ever changing music scene.
Rock was my God and Lyrics were in my head but the Blues was in my soul.
The 60's passed but not without me playing my parents records, then there was my sisters records to play..the old vinyl, 45's and Albums with the larger 33 1/3. I always wondered why it was 1/3 but never bothered to find out, even to this day.
So there I was early on..loaded for bear with all the doo wop lyrics written with indelible ink in my brain..the oldies but goodies which included none other than the blues artist from the past. We had Little Walter, Muddy Waters, Etta James, but somewhere along the line there was another Blues man who's song I could identify as soon as I heard the first few notes of the riff they played last night. Somehow, somewhere,
I got that gift....
Maybe it was that old program that they reran on TV that I heard of, called "Name that Tune".
Well, I can name that tune in 3 notes, maybe 2.
The inspiration for writing Lyric and Melody, although in my head and not on paper... I could never negotiate writing the music itself, came from all the Pop and Rock artist I worked with and met over the years, some too old to mention and some dead and gone.
Thank God for vinyl, and remastering....channel 13, where the music lives on.
Thanks to the music channels 70's, 80's, 90's 2000's...from Oldies to the British invasion to the Hustle era with Donna Summer and Gloria Gaynor, who by the way is still performing. The bubblegum pop of the 80's and songs like Caribbean Queen, one of my favorites back then, and finally the move into the real Rock Era, which I call the Bon Jovi days, and Areosmith and let's not leave out the Rolling Stones and Beatles/McCartney who now are older than dirt, no offense boys, you can still Rock with the best of them ;) Oh, that's right, you are the best of them, Icon's of music.
Me....I had the pleasure of meeting and sometimes working along side of bands like the Knockout's, singers like Everley Brothers,
Bo Diddly, Chubby Checker and the late great Jackie Wilson...Mr Excitement himself. Met managers and producers while visiting NYC.
Met friends and up and coming performers as well as the older talent trying to make a living and maybe hitting it big again while trying to get a new song or two on the charts.
I could tell you some things you might never know about a few stars before they shone bright...one time I visited the Apollo Theater where my friends would get me into the Theater through the back way...of course...we didn't have to pay ;). There as we made our way to the seating area we had to go through a storage area where we encountered Flip Wilson..pretty unknown at the time laying resting between shows on a crate...that was his dressing room. We stopped and said a few words and on we went to the front row seats we were able to get for the show.
Saw Freddie Prinz, James Taylor before they were well known, to Aretha Franklin accent to fame and from the Marvelettes decent and the list goes on.
I was recording background for an unknown group one day in Atlantic studio's when we ran across Otis Reading who was recording there on the same day. Maybe at times it was only a few words that were spoken and other times it was a long conversation and even friendships that were struck up over the years.
Why am I telling you all this...for one reason it was the influence of some of these people who stayed with me over time and that influence which shows up in some of my writing and in my lyric's.
Not as recognizable to you, but as inspirational to me, and for the ability and thought process to know what a catchy lyric sounds like or what might attract a person when listening to music or reading the written word.
The influence doesn't stop with Musicians but goes on to Actor's and other writers because of their Music and style of writing...it goes on to play-writes and screenplay's. It's a world that never stops giving.
Remember that dream I spoke about? That's how it evolves.
What does this have to do with last night? Everything!!!
It was a crisp cold fall night ..snow was on the ground, 26 degrees and a few blocks walk from the parking garage in high heeled boots, a mistake on those.
We were able to get seating about 9 rows from the stage..aisle seats..nice. I knew I just had to be there because I might never get another chance to see the man himself in person. He may never do another tour because he looked frail..he had aged. After all he was now 87 years old and not without health problems.
His kick ass band preseeded him with a few Jazz songs where it broke way to and introduction of Blues.
The intro... he walked out onto the stage and greeted a few of the people in attendance who were lucky enough to score front row seats... then he sat down.
He didn't immediately sing..no, he talked, and talked to the audience telling them stories about his band and life onstage, then he played that twangy blues guitar and sang a blues song.
A half dozen songs later I heard the riff...The riff I knew and loved so well. I recognized the song long before anyone knew what it was..they were too quiet. I knew they might be hoping he would play this song, but they sure didn't recognize it. Not until the Lyrics were sung did the crowd break out in applause.... The Thrill is gone, the thrill is gone away from me...ooh, the thrill is gone, it's gone away from me, although I still love you so lonely I'll be.
There it was finally..the song I had been waiting for. I was thrilled to hear him sing it and wished he would have done a longer version but none the less it will be that influence and inspiration that will allow me to write other songs.
Oh, I've got some good one's..Number One Blues, Fire in the Rain, Looking for Right..all night long. I even have the occasional Country Song..a real goodie called Baby you're old enough..to be my man. But as we are aware we always need new material, new inspiration. Something that says..get off your rump and get to work again. That's where all this originates, that's where the fires get started. That's where the spark ignites in your head and in your heart/soul.
BB King ignited mine again last night when he held out his hand to me. He looked me in the eyes as if to say, girl don't ever stop writing the Blues, I see it in your soul, I feel it emanating from you. I saw it in your move when the music played. Just don't ever stop writing.
I'm giving you this spark of inspiration he was saying with his eyes..... as I took his hand.
Loss Of Truth
The Book & the Screenplay
Chapter 1 (in part)
+I HAVE TO ADMIT
....being with one man excites me but being with two, now there's a question that I thought about a million times over and over again.
Maybe it was that thing
about making me do what he wanted, or it could have been that he knew all
along what was in the deep dark corners of a women's mind...my mind.
about him kept this fantasy going....would he have me live it for
real.....I wasn't sure, but one thing was certain,
would soon find out.
he was far too egotistical for what was about to happen, it didn't
negate the fact was that he was still a master manipulator. He had the
perfect access to a cover story if there ever was one, he held the trump
card in every one of his relationships, why would it be any different with this one? There was no other way. He knew it would entail a risk that
he would be taking but somehow it's time had arrived. He now held the
gold and the reason for making his fantasy become a reality.... and
today he was putting that trump card into play.
Okay, so I'll go along with it and play his game Olivia pondered, what can I do....she sighed.
At this point, he owns me, heart, soul, body and mind.
I would do anything for him. There's no way I can get away from him, I don't want to be without him..ever. Let's just see how far he pushes this charade, Olivia thought...I'm calling his bluff.
All I can say is that this is where it all started.
was on a hot Miami night that I met him. Here I was enjoying the
scenery at a place called Sunday's on the bay. It was a Local
Restaurant on Key Biscayne section of Miami that jutted out into the aqua blue Atlantic Ocean crossing over bridges past rows of high priced condominiums about half way down the Key and right before
entering Bill Bags Beach.
I recalled one day when I was perched atop a bar stool
mesmerized by the view of Biscayne Bay and listening to the waves lap up
against the dock when I saw 38 foot Grady White positioning itself
close enough so it could disembark. I was in eye shot to get a good
enough view of him as he stepped onto the deck. I took one deep breath
before I realized that my heart started pounding with desire. There
he was dressed in white shorts with an aqua sport shirt as blue as regions of the water that I have seen down in the Florida Key's.
I always liked traveling the keys on the week-end when I would set out from my Miami apartment and head down the Florida pike where it would pour out onto Dixie Highway just before Florida City an exit where you could visit the local air boat business that flanked the everglades and took you on a wonder adventure deep into the glades. The wildlife was abundant and the alligators were as fierce as they were hungry. You were also given and option to either stay longer or gain steam and fly through the glades with the master driver at the helm. I always chose the latter. Then off we would go driving the OS Highway right into the heart of the keys and down to mile marker 82 where when you looked out into the pristine water you could see through it like it was glass. It also owned the same color that was borrowed by the haberdasheries when designing their men's line of boating shirts, just like the one I saw on the most exquisitely chiseled body walking towards me.
When he came closer I
saw that the color of his shirt accentuated the color of his bright
blue eyes....they light sparkled in them like bits of diamond chips laying out in the sunshine.
he stepped even closer I could see his perfect smile widen as he saw me there.
have to admit I was drawn to him immediately, I could feel the heat
move through my body surging upward at an unbeatable speed. I wanted to
move but I couldn't. It was like I had been hot glued to my seat and a
giant hand was holding me down so it could set me in place.
even look away from him, not for a millisecond.
came directly towards me as my eyes followed his every move. My body
acted like a giant magnet pulling him closer and closer, it was obvious
that he felt the same gravitational pull in my direction because he
acted like a man on a mission that no one could ever dissuade him from.
Right then I felt the butterfly's mounting in my stomach..... I was breathless.
He came closer now.
stood there staring, his bright blue eyes sparkling with desire, right there in the sunlight.
He was so self-possessed, so confident. His presence held me captive
with those blond curls flowing around his handsome face....It was in that split second that he had me.
looking back I knew I fell instantly in love with him but even better
was the fact that he fell instantly and obsessively
in love with me.
There was no doubt this man was the devil to most people... but he was my angel and would always be.....even now.
The Florida Keys
day was bright and the sky was an ever beguiling azure blue,
she was daydreaming as a familiar tune played...."We had it
all..just like Bogie and Bacall....sailing away to Key Largo..... She was
sitting reflectively on her Adirondack beach chair observing the
aquamarine rolling waves that were now delightfully tossing around a
lone Hobie Cat with a crimson and white striped sail.
boat was jostling back and forth and rocking dramatically from side to
side. It was swaying so rapidly in the breeze that it was making her
frightfully dizzy just watching it rock port to starboard in the wind
Olivia disliked this feeling immensely, it made her stomach queasy and gave her a feeling of being deathly sea sick.
loved the sea but sometimes it was just too much for her to sit and
watch it's motion and it's foaming high ground swells for hours on end,
but preferably she would rather be taking a dip in the cool adulating
motion of it's deep blue buoyant waves.
pretty much all there was to do in Islamorada, that and deep sea
I suppose one could go scuba diving at John Pendercamp Park
but now was not the time for that....it was almost time for her to go.
relationship with him was a little stressed and demanding at times. Her one
true love was sometimes a stern task master and so frightfully commanding that it had become difficult for her to stay focused. There were times
she wondered what she ever saw in him, but that only lasted until her
thoughts brought her back to all the good things about him, to those early days when all he had to do was look in her eyes and it was all over but the groaning.
During the times she felt uneasy, It never
failed surprising her and do an about face making her
forget that she ever had those feelings of detachment.
It was these times that she looked forward to.
She loved him alright, just as she had right from the minute she saw him...she never doubted it, but It was that unnameable feeling that was
growing inside her gut making her want to experience more than just
him..... the one feeling that kept that tug of war going on inside of her.
was like someone was feeding her brain with suggestions...she felt she
had to do what she was about to do and if she didn't get away now she
might never get away again.
Oh Lord I'm talking out loud to myself....I better leave here while I have the strength.
He knew this about Olivia, and yes he had that calculating side to his personality. How could he not? It was his profession.
was always watching her....just waiting for her to make her move. He
seemed to know when she was teetered with the idea of escaping him, her
emotional nervousness seemed to alert him.
The smirk on his face was a dead giveaway that there was more going on here than meets the eye. He had it all planned.
He would lie there asleep one eye opened watching her in anticipation of his plan coming to fruition.
Olivia moved towards the door. I better get out of here now before he wakes up and I'll never be able to leave. If I wait any longer he will find me...I just can't resist him if he tries to persuade me to stay. I have to get away right now, he'll never understand. Thoughts kept circling her mind like a flashing of a computer screen doing a power point presentation.
was 6Am as she packed her bags and into the Porsche she climbed. She left a note
making some excuse about taking the Porsche 911 up to Miami to have Dario, their driver, take it in for service before leaving for New Jersey to see her mom for
an extended week-end visit.
18 mile stretch of the Overseas Highway through the Everglades took
only minutes to negotiate without traffic and she was soon on the
Florida Turnpike headed for Kendall and A1A. What an breeze driving was
today Olivia thought...this was a shock.
hit the overseas highway at 6:10 and she was able to get to Coconut
Grove by 6:50, the fact it was smooth sailing all the way helped get
her there on time. She turned the Porsche over to Dario who was soon
on the 112 extension by 7:25 driving Olivia to the Airport for her
flight into Newark.
was the driver who did just about everything and anything that was
needed. He could be trusted and had earned his position of trust after 5
long years on the job.
Olivia landed in Newark Airport she would get a cab to her mother's
house in Mountainside where she would visit overnight and pick up her
beloved Red Corvette that her mom kept stored away in the garage for
when Olivia came to visit.
Her mom lived in a contemporary 3 story cliff hanging house that sat on top of the hill off Summit road. She had it built by a local builder who named the Estates after his lovely wife. It was there he built a half dozen homes for wealthy professionals such as architects and Attorney's and Olivia's parents. Olivia's father had been a Real Estate developer working in the commercial field when they moved in to this lovely new home.
He made most of his fortune when he had exclusivity with a client in the local area who created and manufactured wave dispersion technology barriers. He invested in their company which became worldwide for offering protection to Government assets, oil and gas companies, private interest's etc.
unfortunately he wouldn't outlive his investments, so all his assets transferred over to Olivia's mother with a large trust for his daughter Olivia.
Olivia knew she only had a day with her mom before leaving for Vermont, it was her plan. It was
there she would meet Jonathan. She still needed some time to think things over
before their meeting.
Against her better judgement she decided to
drive the Corvette to Vermont and give it a little road time. I just hope I don't
hit a snow storm....she pondered. The Corvette is not the best driving
in the snow, but I'll have plenty of time to think while I drive.... that's what I need right now....she let out a sigh.
It could have
been the loneliest boring day of her life if she had stayed sitting
there gazing at the aqua waters off the East side of the small
Island. The Key that she lived on was called Islamorada and was just south
of Key Largo and north of Marathon.
It was far enough away from the hustle of Miami and close enough for the Island atmosphere these small Key's offered.
were small chain of Islands just below Florida City where A1A became
the Overseas Highway. The roadside was filled with mangrove plants and
high tidal waters at times where Egrets stood looking for for their prey.
thoughts flowing through the astral plane of Olivia's imagination did just the
trick to titillate her emotions. They were finally making her reach out to experience other men in her life.... Oh my, about time she thought.
It also kept her from preventing the boredom of Island living that she found so unamusing at times.
Hmm....I get so lonely down here by myself and I would really like to meet Jonathan.
Her mind couldn't stop thinking of him and she knew the time had come when she would have to make that decision.
It was inevitable..she had decided.....they were finally going to meet.
that emotionally charged day was finally here, it was the long week-end
they had both been waiting for...... a four day Holiday.
big brown eyes glowed like a beastly cat ready for an attack as he sat
on the corner of his bed feeling content in knowing that he would soon
meet the object of his affection and that she didn't have a chance to
escape him all week-end long.
He had pictured what could be a very interesting
tantric week-end not unlike the week-ends he fantasized about since they met online.
Now..... all these plans were about to become his reality.
He felt like he had waited a lifetime for her... and for this day.
It was more than a six hour drive to Mount Snow and he had better get going if he wanted to meet Olivia on time.
picked up his overnight bag and headed for the door. He slipped on his
sun glasses and donned in his designer jeans he headed for his new BMW sports car parked in the drive-way. A
quick exit before Louise stirred and threw 20 questions at him.
was around 4:00am when he hit I-95 and the Delaware Memorial Bridge.
That put him spot on and gave him plenty of time to stop for a few
breaks on the way. The worst part of the drive was out of the way..the
ride from small beach community up rt 13 and the main road out of Town directly to the Bridge, the rest of the
trip would be all highway until he got to Vermont.
He had pondered taking the Cape Lewis Ferry to Cape May then traveling north on the Garden State to meet Olivia in New Jersey, but time wise that might just put him even further from his destination, and Olivia seemed to indicate that she felt more comfortable driving up to Vermont alone to meet him. So be it.
tussled long blond hair flowed down over her pink tight zipped
low cut sweater showing off her golden tanned skin. She had on her sexy
Mavi Jeans in the latest of fashion. Olivia took a long last look in the
mirror, she wanted to make sure she looked smoking hot for her meeting
with Jonathan. The mirror didn't lie, it threw million kisses at her.
She promised she would meet him at 12:00 noon but the trip was more than hectic driving through Connecticut.
the many miles in between her and that blue Ocean setting and the love
of her life, she managed to arrive in Vermont around 1:00 pm. She was
late. She wondered if he would be here waiting for her.
Olivia felt a flood of emotions wash over her, fear, timidness, excitement
and an array of other feelings before she could finally settle down and
catch her breath.
I can't wait to meet him...I hope I like him, I hope he likes me.
was none the wiser and thought she had just come up from her home in
New Jersey, but no. Olivia had more hidden than she wanted to reveal to Jonathan.
resume' with men read long and hard, but then again how could they know
that. Men were always fooled by her soft exterior, her sweet voice
and her gentle mannerisms. It was her shyness that stood out above all
else that gave men a false sense of security with her. Jonathan loved
the fact that Olivia was sweet and submissive to him., even though it was just on the internet and on phone video chat.
When he looked into her eyes he found her shy and yielding.
pretty much hooked on Olivia since they had been chatting online and
talking daily on the phone.
He finally got her to agree to this
week-end meeting with him.
was so sick and disillusioned with the women in in his life and their
truculent ways....he was ready to scoop up Olivia into his arms and run away from home
with her. He wanted this woman in the worst way and he knew it, but could he live up to her expectations?
they sat together at the Mount Snow main base ski-lodge in the corner by a window at an very
large oak hand carved table. This table was massive and she felt lost
sitting so far from Jonathan, but the distance was a safe one from
each other for now.
The table itself
resembled the one used in ancient times, it fit the description of the table used in the old Screenplay.... Knights Tale.
could almost see and hear Sean Connery and a young virile Richard Gere
as Lancelot, as
they had a brief discussion in the scene where Connery invited him to
visit the Room reserved for the Knights of the Round Table and where
Gere was made an offer he couldn't refuse....one to become Sir
would love to be sitting here next to Lancelot she thought. mmmm that
beautiful handsome face and that smoldering hot body. The thought made her writhe with sexual energy.
Snap out of it Olivia........
Her thoughts made a paradigm shift back to Jonathan in the blink of
an eye. Here she was with the man who was professing his love
for her on their first meeting, and almost every day since they met.
this really be happening? She had her doubts. She
looked across at him, at his hard body his short cropped brown
those rock hard abs she could see through his tight blue &
white stripe 4 button shirt.... He had these big brown eyes that pierced
through to her innermost insecurities.
Geez, he seemed so sincere.
oozed of male pheromones to Olivia's senses and she could see by his
hairy arms and chest and the sparkle in his eyes that his testosterone
level was at an all time high. She was attracted..... something about
him made her completely unresisting in his presence.
He was captivating and charming and he endeared himself to her immediately.
This feeling alone made made her squirm in her seat.
She tried to keep her composure but he knew he was having this effect on her.
She was nervous around him........ unsettled.
sexual tension between them was high and so very powerful that she had
to look away from his eyes just to keep it from controlling her.
She was trying to convince herself that he was wasn't the one she had been waiting for, but there was no doubt that he was.
She didn't want to reveal herself too soon, not just yet.
There was something about him she thought, something that stirred her emotions. She just couldn't put her finger on it.
Could he be her Lancelot? Well maybe, or could he just be her week-end fling?
She certainly hoped he would be both.
couldn't help feeling helpless around him but she knew she had some reservations about this entire meeting.
thought about this day and night since they met online, and she always wondered what it would mean to find her
Karmic soul mate..... or maybe she was just trying to convince herself of that.
All along, Jonathan had been purporting to be her soul mate as he
worked methodically to gain Olivia's trust.
Maybe this is a line
he uses on everyone.....time will tell she thought?
Just as she was lost deep in assessment about Jonathan.... she caught sight of Him from the side of her eye.
He was one of the skiers she
saw through the massive floor to ceiling window she had been sitting next to. From this window poured golden beams of sunlight
across that mighty oak carved table that she and Jonathan had been sharing.
sunshine was darting lightly kissing her face beam after beam, like a
ballerina dance casting shadows of light across the table and on to both she and
there he stood.....he
curved his stance most deliberately so that he could come to a stop
right in front of the window where Olivia sat. He wanted to get a
good full view of her. He wanted her to see him clearly too. He
positioned himself so that he could stare directly into her eyes. He
wanted her emotions to be visible to him.
It's just as if he
knew Olivia would be waiting there at that specific moment looking out
at him from the Ski Lodge's massive palladium style window.
Why is he here, what does he think he's doing?
flashed his beautiful smile at her with his bright white movie star quality teeth and winked knowingly as his blonde curls
cascaded out from under his ski cap.
Oh my God...No..No. He's not playing this game without consequences.
Her attention was now on her blond skier... he looked so delicious today, especially when
her senses were already aroused. There was no doubt that he was a hunk of a man and she knew it.
What is he's doing, he sees me with another man?
I'll play his game.
was now staring in to those baby blue
eyes of his. He was drop dead gorgeous... just like he just stepped out
of GQ magazine. He was taunting her....titillating her senses.
What do I do now? She was flustered.
Focus Olivia, you're supposed to have your new love right here
if front of you...so he says, this proposed man of karma..this new soul mate. Yeah sure.. she lamented. He's going to have to prove that one to me.
Her mind was bouncing back and forth alternatively between Jonathan and the Blond skier.
Stay focused Olivia, you don't want to blow this, you've been through this fantasy too many times
before....so just stop it. Stay focused on Jonathan, after all you are here to meet him, not anyone else.
Anyone looking at the skier and then at Olivia... for this
moment now frozen in time, would know that he was revealing
just how interested he really was in her. It was just as if he knew her inside out and upside down.
He saw her there with another man..... that was his plan...
he didn't care. It's what he wanted.
He wanted the man with this beautiful blond woman to see
him.... he was flirting with her purposefully, toying with her...... he appeared as if he was enjoying the competition... and he was.
She quickly turned her head away from him
before Jonathan caught sight of the look on her face.....but Jonathan did.
had been teetering back and forth with men this way before, so this feeling wasn't new to her.
If only she could talk to him right now before admitting anything to Jonathan, she still had so many
questions before she could go on with her plans, and that included answers from Jonathan too.
That lust inside her
was surfacing again like the Phoenix from its perilous ashes, and just like always it rose again as it did in the past.
Why do I have to have this feeling now?
But she was powerless over it as usual.
had a penchant for men who
were solidly built and good looking. Blond hair and blue eyes on a man
were her preference....... once in a while there would be a dark haired
man who would steal her attention, and at times she had been known to
give in to her whims. She wanted to do that now, oh God she wanted to.
She was overwhelmed. Her heart was beating as fast as a drum roll. Why won't it stop she lamented? What do I do now? Oh hell, choose one. Choose your man Olivia,
but then she thought.....why do I have to choose?
was not so unaware of her feelings, but only she knew the depth of her longing for each one of these men.
Jon was there watching alright.
was taking it all in, but he didn't know the truth behind Olivia's
eyes. The depths of her sex fueled imagination worked privately in her
Now as fast as the Blond skier came was equally as quick as he disappeared. She was a little shocked but though...I'll go along with this and see what transpires.
She tried so hard to do it, but hiding her feelings was rebarbative to her.
She wanted to be honest with Jonathan.... but she couldn't do it no matter how hard she tried. The inherent fear struck her again, her innermost voice was saying no... dammit.. no.
There wasn't any way she was
letting him in to that world of hers.....
No.... she convinced herself, he would never
Oh girl, not just no, but Hell No, that was a world that she kept separated for
far too long and it was going to stay that way.... if she could help it.
There was a place buried in the deep dark corners of her
mind that she never came close to reckoning with, it was here visiting.....and Jonathan had summoned it alive.
Just then Jonathan's phone rang...he ignored it.
was here now with her own private plan for having a fun charged
week-end and she prayed that it would go off smoothly as planned.
Would he be the first to sample her long held desires, now if only she could let him know someway that she
She had to be sure....so sure.....so secure with her
decisions, but in the end it would all be up to Jonathan. But now she had the blond skier to consider, there was no way out of it.
he called to her. Are you off again somewhere in that lusty imagination Olivia?
seems to know somehow what she was thinking. She blushed, he did have
the sharpest instinct's when it came to her. He could
pretty much anticipate what that glazed over look in those
baby blue's meant.
But where was she this time.... his mind was aching for this. He wanted
her dirty little secrets alright, that's what his soul needed, what his imagination
cried out for, it was everything he ultimately desired.
He tried so hard to pry them from her but she wasn't
confessing to him, not now, no...not now she thought.
The phone rang again...saved by the bell she mused. He didn't answer again.
It was her trepidation that kept him at a distance, and the same fear that made her run away from men in the past.
In the past she would unconsciously allow herself to be manipulated by the same dark angst
that never let her reconcile her desires.
she now, could she do it with him, was he the one who could extract
these hidden secrets from the depths of her longings? Could he be the one to extract them from her sex fueled
imagination that lay dormant for so many years?
Why would he
love me if he ever knew, he would never understand?
How could he live with
me .... maybe he would hate me if he knew. Her imagination was running wild.
All these self depreciating thoughts shot through her mind in a millisecond.
Jonathan's voice snapped her back to reality as she heard him calling her name.
Babe...Olivia over here as he snapped his fingers in front of her.
Startled...I hear you Jon.
She came back to life in split second.
I was thinking Jonathan.
Jonathan was viewing her with an inquisitive eye.
I was watching the skiers and thought I would love
to..... Her sentence drifted off, she was lost for words. Jonathan gave her that all knowing
Yeah, and what about that guy who stopped to stare at you through the window, as he winked at her?
She looked surprised but relieved that he noticed. Ha...Jealous are we?
Oh no Olivia......I think it might come under the heading of interested.
She was puzzled by his comment although she was more than pleased and wished he would elaborate.
want to get out on those slopes, don't you sweetie?
It's been a long time
Jonathan since I've been skiing. I'm so excited.
Yesss...she's excited alright he thought.
She tried to hide
her enthusiasm about the mystery man but Jonathan was no fool....he
Her thoughts snapped her back to her mission....today, she and
Just then his phone rang for a third time, now she started to wonder why he didn't answer, but he didn't. He looked a little nervous she thought.
Her mind immediately went back to her thoughts.
some other day for the blond skier she thought, but today was clearly a
day just for the two of them. This was the pre-set day for them to get
to know more about each other. She was more than interested in this dark mystery man.
he mused, we should stay here and talk a while, there are some things I want to talk to you about.
Something that's been on my mind since we met, and sweetie I want to tell you
more about myself. First I have a burning question I really have to
Oh..you do..do you?
smiled at her and their eyes locked in a long stare. He reached over
and held her hand brought it to his lips and kissed it gently.
know I said that once we meet and if we still felt the same about each
other, and Olivia I want you to know I do feel the same way about you.
Olivia seemed to not want to talk about this. Jonathan maybe we
should ski now, we can always talk later. Livy....can we talk about
this now? I really want to get it out of the way it's important. Where's this headed she wondered. Oh ok..inside she was cringing. The fight or flight mechanism was creeping in to greet her.
we said we would be exclusive and you agreed. This means no other
partner hon, do you remember? Oh, no babe she said, I don't, please
She remembered alright but she wasn't going to budge on this one.
He glanced into her bright blue eyes looking for a sign of acceptance. There wasn't any..her stare was blank.
He leaned back and took a long hard look at her, she smiled.
see the sunlight sparkle back at him, her blonde hair arranged
whimsically around her pretty face, and the wind from the open door just whipping it across her
forehead and cheeks, he so loved that look.
She was so beautiful to
he was falling in love with her.
Olivia.... he so wanted to tie her to him and have his way with her, but she wasn't revealing her answer.
I know you have
thought about us in that way we spoke about and I want to....... Oh Jonathan, she tried to change the subject. He kept
on talking. Yes Livy here's how it could work for both of us.
She was reticent now.
Jonathan please can we talk later......
stiffened a moment then tried to relax. He was too attuned to her moods and movements and knew he was losing her attention. He had better stop pushing so hard or I'm running.
They both had a sixth sense for each others thoughts. Jonathan could start a sentence and Olivia could finish it.
He knew he had
to tread lightly and proceed with caution if he was ever going to convince her of
She took a deep breath.
Yes babe, OK she chirped, tell me what you mean. I'm not so sure what
you' re saying....oh yes I am, he looks like he's ready to make confession or sell me some snow in the winter......Men!
She gathered her composure, she looked into those big brown
saucer eyes of his as he smiled. She never saw that shade of brown
before it was almost like a deep caramel chocolate. The chiseled diamond in his
sparkled with the same sunlight that displayed the piercing glow in her
don't know if this is the right time...I... I can't ....I don't want to
talk about this right now. Jon I'm gonna freak. She was almost
It enough he showed up...that blond skier, but this conversation is not happening now.
Oh down deep she
wanted to.... her insides were doing the happy dance but these
strange thoughts came galloping through her brain.. and she had to let
it all go or she was going to run the other way......Again.
wrong Livy? He liked calling her this abbreviation of her name...she hated when he did this. I'm just having a tough
moment Jonathan..give me a second.
searched her brain for a lie. She couldn't think of any. She had to think of something
quickly to say to him.....Jonathan I was just recalling a time I was up
on that expert slope and I almost wiped out and that frightened me.
Sorry I got sidetracked. It's just that I really wanted to ski again,
it's been a long time and I don't like having any fears about it. I
don't want to fall again ya know.
She turned her head away from him and stared out at the mountain peaks as they display the beauty of a Vermont wintery day.
She was now looking up at the North Slope but recalling the blond skiers eyes. Just then a warm feeling permeated her body ....it was purely sexual.
He knew she was lieing.
Okay Livy, I just thought something was wrong. It's okay, we can talk
A sigh of relief came from Olivia's lips. Men do this all the time, why can't I.
Sure Jonathan maybe later.
was sizing him up all the while. She kept asking herself the million
dollar question. Could she ever fall in love with this man? All
this was so new to her and these
feelings were whizzing around in her head like a million mad
I want to..oh yes, I want to, if he'll only let me. But... there would always be that
reluctance, it was her innate nature, it had become ingrained in her, the fear
that paralyzed her insides.
Any man who knew her, knew she had that
Gemini air about her....the twins. The air that born her two sides of her personality.
was able to just slip through men's fingers
like those golden grains of sand in Edgar Allen Poe's..... A Dream
within a Dream. Jonathan would have to hold on tight to that one golden
of sand which was her heart and soul. Any man would have to
instinctively know how to take control of her so that they could capture
what was her
would have to seize that small window of opportunity, especially if he
wanted to really know this woman, if he wanted to make her his.
The real million dollar question was.....did Jonathan want to take the chance? He had a lot of proving to do.
She finally settled down and
was enjoying the scenery. The raised hearth fireplace with huge
granite weather beaten rough edged massive inlaid stones. The crackling fire gave such a
wonderful picturesque stately warm amber glow to those who invited it' s
warm flickering flames which were burning and crackling to beat the band.
A slow sensual dance with Jonathan in front of that burning fire would
be something that I would love, thought Olivia. As she experienced the
warmth of the beautiful glow emanating out to titillate her senses.. she
now let herself relax.
was such a romantic and knew she would have to reign in that romanti-cism because it frightened the hell out of most men.
picturing a nice luxurious bear rug laid right by the warmth of the fire, big enough for both she and Jonathan to lay on and enjoy themselves while getting to know each other.
She was unusually old fashioned when it came to her fantasies about her
lover, but something in her was awakening the opposite twin, that
split personality that she had hid away for years., the one she tried so
hard to suppress.
pictured them together pressing up
against one another feeling the rush of newness in their kiss, staring
into each other eyes. this was their
night for love she thought......what a pair they would make. She
wondered what his touch would be like. Did he really have that special
feeling about her.
did Jonathan know that she was quite the quintessential romantic, but so
was he. Jonathan had lured Olivia in by claiming to possess the same
qualities in which he was finding out were already instilled in her. She
already owned them and that's something he would have to live with if
he was going to be her lover..
He wasn't afraid to demonstrate his feeling. He was falling in love with her and he wanted so much for her to fall in love
with him. She couldn't be sure, but she made a solemn promise to herself that she would try with all of her heart and soul.
kissed her neck....honey where are you, did you hear anything I said?
Olivia was jarred back as he took her hand and lifted it to
his mouth and kissed it gently. Listen babe, I can make your fantasies
true, just tell them to me....pleeze. She seemed nervous. Why can't he back off for a while, just give me some space to think about this?
I know you have dreams like
all of us, and girl you must be dreaming about them now because you sure
are someplace else.
Little did he know she had the blond skier on her mind.
Jonathan no, ha ha what are you talking about.
Common baby tell me, Please tell me about your
fantasy honey, do you want...... Jonathan stop!
This is so pushy, what the hell, why can't he back off a little and let me breathe.
Tell me Livy, tell me about the
time........ Just quit it Jon, as she coyly smiled.
Ah.. okay Livy, but just for now.
was thinking to herself....... this is just a fantasy, why does he want
to make these things a reality, this disturbed her for a moment.
It's just way too early in the
relationship.... nice to get to know one another but he needs to give me space to breathe and get used to him. I have to feel comfortable with him. I need time to think, otherwise I react.... and it doesn't ever come out right.
Okay then, maybe I'm just reacting. She had this conversation going on in her head..twin to twin... damn moon sign. Couldn't I have another personality sign to contend with...she
had a total Gemini personality. Damn, typical air sign, all in her
head...always thinking, holding private conversations with herself. Aw...Screw this I need to ski.
my God she thought, what's happening here we're in the middle of a ski
lodge and my head is whirling,
just stop thinking these crazy thoughts Olivia,
for tonight anyway. You're only doing this because you're afraid.
You're doing it because you want to run. You always run, stop, just
stop this one time.
It will be okay, you will see. Jon promised it would be. She calmed
She always used self talk when she wanted a firm resolve.
wrong. No Jonathan I'm ok. You better not run dammit....promise me.
If you run I will be so pissed at you. I'll never forgive you if you
Then make me want to stay Jonathan.
Just then the waitress was at their table. Another Sam Adams and Cabernet?
Oh Jonathan, look they're making more snow.
ten million dollar upgrade was pumping snow to beat the band.
Olivia... the slopes will be ready for us soon.
Oh thank God, Olivia exclaimed, I can't wait to get out there.
thought, ahh, blew my perfect chance by hesitating I'm so freakin
pumped up and want this to happen.,...ahh crap, I need to get her to
say yes to me.
pissed at himself for hesitating but he thought... later... we'll have more time
to talk and maybe tomorrow we'll have more of an opportunity to er...play.
still visualizing himself seeing her for the first time, she looked like
angel to him as she shook her head of long flowing blond hair from side
to side... and ran her fingers through it's mane so invitingly.
He loved that look so much. He was hard pressed to take his eyes off of her.
Lodge was becoming the entire bedroom in his vivid imagination, as he
her up in his arms. He imagined that he could feel the entire sensation
of her next to him on his bare skin as he held her in his arms.
The seam in the crotch
of his pants was getting tighter and tighter as his manhood grew with lightening speed at the thought of her.
Sir, another Sam Adams and Cabernet? Sir... she repeated. He jerked back to
reality as he saw this sultry brunette leaning over the table to swipe
his beer bottle and Olivia's glass so that she could replenish them..
eyes dropped to her chest and back up to her face in a millisecond, he
smiled at her, she smiled back. Your name he said, trying to read her name tag without his glasses. Jenine, Jennifer?
Jennie she said. Oh, okay, Jennie, I'll take another Sam Adams and Olivia
will have a glass of Pino Nois this time. He cocked his head sideways and stared at her backside
as she walked away. He was such a flirt Olivia thought, now he's really
Just then Jonathan's phone rang again... it's been ringing since he got here. she thought...he
seemed a bit nervous and annoyed now but he was trying to ignore it.
Please answer that Jonathan maybe it's important.
He excuses himself as he get's up to answers the phone out of ear shot
Olivia tried to ignore the fact it had been interrupting them too but now she was irritated and concerned. Why does he have to hide to answer his phone?
He returns, I'm so sorry Olivia but I guess I should have answered the 1st time.
Why, who was it?
My X she's bugging me. She won't call again, I promise.
Then turn the phone off Jonathan.
Why does she keep calling anyway? You said you haven't seen her since last May... what does she want?
I don't know Livy.
Didn't you tell her about us...that you're away?
It's not her business who I am with Livy.
Four phone calls Jonathan maybe you should be honest with her.
I have been honest I moved out, she knows.
Maybe she doesn't get it.
I left, she knows. Rain Man would have gotten it!
really don't want anyone coming between us Jon....promise me please.
Women have a way of doing these things for their own selfish reasons.
promise you Livy it's just you and me...I love you, I haven't felt this
way in a long time baby. I never though it would happen again.. and I
am so happy it has.
You will see, I will treat you like gold.
was getting nervous with the entire scenario. Something just wasn't
right. Olivia was never a jealous woman..it wasn't in her nature.
No not jealousy, but I...something just isn't right here. There 's
something this man is not being honest about, something he's not telling
Come on baby we're wasting time. I really don't want another drink, I want to go
out on the slopes. We came here to ski so let's ski. Otherwise
it will be dark before we know it and then we'll really be in
trouble..too many beers and too much wine and no place to stay yet.
Livy okay, just one more then we'll head for the bluebird express, the
new bubble chair lift up to the North Slope... he gave her a wink.
Promise we'll be out of here by 3:30. so we can get a room at the Summit Lodge.
didn't notice but the blond skier was sitting on the far side of the bar
starring at Olivia watching her every move.
He's doing this purposefully, damn him she thought.
behind one of the hand hewed beams that held up the massive vaulted
roof of the club house. He was tucked away behind it so that
Jonathan couldn't see him watching.
Olivia was uncomfortable being starred at by him.
we forget that drink Jonathan and go now..as Olivia jumps up and makes
her way to the door.
Jonathan looks perplexed but follows her waving frantically to Jennie the
waitress to forget the drinks.
The phone goes off
again...... Jonathan must have hit the button so that it now is playing his programed tune.
All along it had been dinging and vibrating, but annoying none the less.
But now It played BB King's "The Thrill is Gone." Jonathan....Olivia
I really love that song, but seems like your X is getting carried
All that honesty must have been too much for her.
Look Livy if I don't answer this she will never stop calling.
what Jonathan....if you insist on answering that call then we have
nothing else to talk about...seems you still are involved in that
relationship otherwise you wouldn't be receiving all those phone calls and
you wouldn't let it get in the way of what you tell me you want with us.
it or leave it Jon and that goes for the text's from your female
partner which are untoward about some stupid football game... so you
say....What's all this about anyway? None of this makes any sense to
My friends would never think about doing
that to me, knowing where I am and who I am with.
Did you hear my phone or text go off? No you didn't! That's rude, and you know it was completely unnecessary.
My X could be calling me, pissing you off..... it could happen. Would I answer.....Hell NO! I'm with you.
Emergencies are fine. Think that's why you have texting.
you know if one of my friends did that to me..knowing I was in some
other State with someone who I was supposed to meet and have a wonderful
week-end with, I would wonder what kind of agenda they had.
That's messed up.
What would you think if my X followed me up here and approached us Jonathan? She was taking his temperature here.
But Jonathan was excited picturing that scenario..he had his own agenda.
Now Jon that is the other side of me, like it or not, quid pro quo, that's my belief.
Be someone I can trust and I will trust you.
You are either going to make things happen between us or not, it will be the success or failure of this relationship.
I'm going skiing Jonathan,
so if you're with me baby common, and if not, you can change that music on your
phone to play.....
"I'm Married to the Blues"!! because I'm not going for it!
With that Olivia heads off giggling all the way to the ski lift.
Should I take two oxycondone? Can't remember how many I took before.
stumbled over the needle point foot stool on the way to the kitchen
refrigerator for some juice to swallow her pills. The stool flipped
over, almost making her fall flat on her face on the speckled Burberry
carpeting that Jonathan and Buddy had laid on her living room floor....
he laid her there too... she remembered as she chuckled and then got
sick and threw up her guts all over the place where they had sex. Barf.....she was a mess.
She pulled herself up holding on to the sofa and stumbled toward the Kitchen.
door to the refrigerator swung open and hit the wall with a loud thump,
she realizes that she was impaired. her judgment and special reckoning
helped her to half heartily retrieve the juice from the frig when she
spied a chocolate candy bar sitting on the top shelf. It was left
there after her last binge of sweets brought on by her drug addition.
She grabbed it and chewed it like she had never known what a piece of candy tasted like.
It was just like the first time she had discovered chocolate.
mixed the juice and pills in her mouth, swished and swallowed. She
walked back to the sofa and sunk deep within it. He had only been there a
few months ago in that same spot sleeping there day and night.
But now here she was all alone again.
He finally left her after five years, three of which were spent sleeping on that same worn out sofa she had just sunk into.
He was like a little lost boy whose heart had been crushed but was oblivious to the fact that it was he was doing the crushing.
Angie was in counseling, she was there for prescription drug issues and
depression but mostly because Jonathan was driving her mad, and her
drug affair was precipitated by her need for relationship counseling.
was a merry go round of sex, drugs, relationship affliction and self
destruction. It was Jonathan who spawned the monster and fueled it's
energy but it was Angie who got addicted.
Angie knew Jonathan's unforgiving nature, his jealousy.
picked up the phone and dialed Jon's number. As usual she had to leave
a message, he wouldn't answer, but she called anyway... she was still
in love with him.
Angie made another four calls before he answered. Hello Jonathan. Jonathan please, I miss you, can I see you?
Angie..what is it, I'm busy.
you take me with you to your mothers for the reunion? Angie, this is
not gonna work, let me call you back later. No Jonathan please tell me
now. I want to go with you to the family reunion your mother
invited me. Angie, you can go but I promised my son we would go
together alone, now I have to hang up. I can't talk now, I'll call you
later I promise, we' ll talk.
knew exactly where Jonathan was and who he was meeting because Vicki
just happened to let it slip out. Vicki was always purposeful.
It was Vicki's way of keeping her hooks into Jonathan and controlling his every move.
knew she needed the upper hand if she was going to get Jonathan to do
what she wanted in their business and that did not include another woman
who he had the potential of moving in with. Especially one who didn't
live in Delaware.
Jonathan ran Victoria's business....and if he's telling the story.. it's really his business and she is just his backer.
little does he know that there's more going on than meets the eye, and
that Vicki has no intention of letting him move from Delaware...she has
big plans and they included Jonathan.
if confronted with the reality of his friendships would deny all of
this. After all he was so blind in seeing what was going on around him.
He thought he was the master in control... but he really had no
It wasn't his fault, he just wasn't aware that as a child who suffered
through being brought up by an addicted parent, that he himself
unknowingly took on the characteristics of that parent.
either become so aware of what's been done to you and take steps to
change it, or you become a control freak like the characteristic which
alcoholics and addicts display.
mantra is "they think they are in control but the fact is that they
have no control" and that's the fact that Jonathan refused to
it came to Vicki, Angie and Louise .....there were just too many women
in Jonathan's life sucking his energy, and too many woman vieing for
Olivia was in for a rude awakening and the fight of her life if she wanted Jonathan.
My Music and Lyric's are on pages to the left
Feel free to contact me by e-mail
WRITTEN IN HONOR OF MARK TWAIN'S BIRTHDAY
Orion’s star is shining bright
He makes it in the forward night
To rite the plan of slaves untold
He merely rides the cross of gold
To heavens go the lad of life
In harrows word his soul to strife
He moved around the starboard life
To his accomplishments a wife
He drew the thundering lips of pearls
To men and country songs of girls
His message states grey head of curls
Americas land and flag unfurls
Mountainous hills and valley score
To the soldiers life confederates wore
A slave of statute he was no more
So he left the untoward shore
To Mark and men, to God and peace
His writing in his soul deceived
He changed his name
His life relieved
The word today you read believed
He channeled you upon the river
The story told he did deliver
All his glory as in the past
He sighs relief
It’s his at last.
You banish all the play of words
The humor placed in stoic thoughts
He writes in tongues of gold and wit
He watches as his spirit sits
Upon her soul and Eastern star
Orion in the night so far
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